Down With Your Trousers (and Your Double Standards)

Enough with this prim and proper ladies of the past bullshit. Whoever formulated gender roles back in the days of Republican motherhood and keeping a woman caged in the home was wrong. We live in a society where being female and enjoying sex connotes promiscuity and unscrupulousness. It’s sinful to think that a girl can be confident and assertive in carnal matters when we’re supposed to keep quiet about such affairs. But if you’re a boy, sex is your game, and you’re the captain of the team. How can you express your sexuality when others express disapproval at the mention of it? What do you say when being comfortable with your body makes everyone else, well, uncomfortable? I say it’s time we lay our shame to rest once and for all. We should be allowed to share our experiences, not be wary of them

I think the most common fallacy out there is that girls don’t masturbate. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Yet a late night drunken conversation over a cigarette caused me to think about this for the first time. You meet very few girls who are willing to admit to masturbating. It’s something associated with boys. Hell, guys are notorious masturbators. Having a bad day? Beat one off in the shower. Can’t fall asleep and have no prospects of a late night booty call? Pump one out and call it a day. If you’ve got a problem, a penis, and an empty palm, you hold in your hands (quite literally) the solution. If we think masturbating is so dirty and embarrassing, then why is it okay for guys to do it all the time? And I think back to that conversation I had and I can remember searching my brain for just the right answer. Of course we do, we’re horny too! Why should I be ashamed if I gave myself a little rub beneath the covers before bed last night? If I prop my leg up on the wall of the shower and play with the curved plastic end of my razor, am I a dirty, disgraceful freak? No, of course not. And if you think so, frankly I feel sorry for you, because that’s one more orgasm for me and one less for you. It should be okay for girls to relieve sexual tension or stress the same way the boys do. If you can’t touch yourself and be okay with it, you can’t possibly accept the touch of another person. Plus when you’re comfortable with your own body, you’re more likely to be better in bed. The more you know what gets you off, the more likely you are to wow your partner.

Let’s also take a moment to address one night stands. If you’re a guy, one night stands are like frequent flier miles: the farther you go, the more you accumulate; and the more you accumulate, the greater the rewards. The rewards in this case, of course, come in the forms of praise and approval, or just an all-around boost of libido. Because sleeping with a ton of girls and disappearing after without a trace so you can go gloat to your buddies isn’t totally scummy or unappealing. Now, let’s turn to the other end of the spectrum. If a girl is caught in the act of slinking back to her place in the morning after spending the night elsewhere wearing the same attire from the night before, everyone loses their mind. “Walk of shame!” you say, and maybe you’ll text every single person you know to let them know that Suzie’s a slut because you definitely just saw her slinking back from her roll in the hay with some dude, whose identity remains unbeknownst to you. And that guy is probably still lying naked in his bed doing the same exact thing. It’s stupid. If we’re going to have a hook-up culture, the first thing we need to do is realize that it takes two to tango; the man isn’t the hero, and the woman isn’t the whore. Don’t we all just want to meet someone we can fake and make love with for a few hours or longer? That, my friends, is the whole purpose of the hook-up society, so please, move on.

I’d like to make the point that I enjoy sex. You may think, “well no kidding, who doesn’t?” but it’s something that I don’t often find myself ready to admit. I don’t understand why having sex isn’t more dignified, even though it’s a guaranteed end in a lot of social situations. It should be something to experiment with, something to learn from and practice. What it shouldn’t be is a topic that I don’t feel comfortable discussing or an act I should immediately regret doing. I want to be able to pride myself on my sexuality. I want to be smart and safe and sexy and confident. My desires, whether performed on my own or shared with another person, are not wrong or unnatural. I shouldn’t have to pretend that I’m waiting for someone to whisk me off my feet while my male counterparts are taking all the fun for themselves and receiving glory where I’d be met with resentment and judgment. So then why, in this day and age, where men and women are intended to be equal players on the same field, have we unleashed this erroneous dichotomy of giving each gender their own separate moral code guiding sex?I’m not thirsty, I’m not desperate, and I’m certainly not a slut if I’m ready and willing to embrace and share my sexuality. At the end of the day, I’m a horndog just like the rest of them. There are some days that go by where all I can think about is sealing the deal for hours on end. Maybe he’ll answer my text, or maybe I’ll be left to take a hot, slow shower. While I’d hate to be alone on a night like this, is it really so wrong to love yourself? If it is, I don’t want to be right.



  1. LOVE THIS!!! 🙂

  2. writingthebody · · Reply

    I agree, I do too. Good on you.

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